Last week, I mentioned that the Psalms are our prayers — raw and honest…our voice, as we struggle to make sense of our lives. I know that’s true today.
Listen to it — God…I’m going down. It feels like quicksand. I’m stuck. I don’t know how to move forward.
I’m Stuck…in depression. In addiction. Stuck in a bad relationship. In unhealthy patterns. Stuck in my own head. Stuck in a life I didn’t want.
I’m in over my head — overwhelmed by anxiety. I feel like my screw-ups can never be overcome. I feel like an idiot.
You don’t have to raise your hand if you’ve ever been in that place….but I sure know I have.
And sometimes…we cry out to God…and it doesn’t seem to help. We just end up feeling foolish.
And today we’re assured that we are not alone. People have been feeling that way since the beginning of time. In fact, it’s part of our faith story…it’s in the Bible, for crying out loud.
No, faith is not about having it all together. And trusting in God does not mean that I will always feel strong or serene or even sane. Trusting in God is saying that the creator of the universe and the creator of me can handle life that is messy and heartbreaking and downright ugly at times. And it means that when I am overwhelmed…God is not.
I sat in a coffee shop in Spokane yesterday, and listened as a Vietnam veteran sitting at the next table shared his experiences with a group of younger men. Talk about life that is downright ugly. Stories of terrifying nights in the bush…of friends killed in combat…of a war that involved killing people whose eyes you could see and whose necks you could crush. And I thought of all the soldiers who live each day with severe PTSD after coming back from Vietnam or Afghanistan or Iraq or any other corner of the world. Men and women who feel like the Black Hole is swallowing them. Who feel like they are drowning. Who look over their shoulder daily in fear. And you know what? This is their psalm.
I honestly can’t fathom the evil that some people experience or inflict in this world. I can’t fathom the pain some people live with each and every day. But God can.
And this is where our faith hinges. We believe that God knows the depths of evil and despair and pain….and we believe that God’s presence is right there in the midst of it — in jungles and in psych wards…in homeless shelters and prisons. God’s presence is there — God’s spirit, coursing through us, through all God’s people….grieving, healing, resurrecting…
And we believe it because that is precisely what God has been doing from the beginning of time…finding us at our lowest points….when the whirlpool is sucking us down…and holding us…and loving us…steadfastly.
Have you noticed? In the midst of the most heart-wrenching psalms…again and again, we will hear the refrain — that the steadfast love of God is good.
I may not know anything else. I may not be able to see it or feel it…but I will hang on to that — that God’s love has no end. I will trust that that is why we believe Jesus is God incarnate, after all. Because Jesus found people at their lowest…in the midst of their evil and despair and pain — and loved them. Healed them. Forgave them. Resurrected them. And they loved him for it.
God finds us…where we are….wherever we are. And loves us. Heals us. Forgives us. Resurrects us. Brings us back from the dead. Makes us whole when we are falling apart. Whether it’s depression or PTSD or anxiety and addiction….God finds us.
And that is why we love God.
Scripture tells us that we love God because God first loved us. Perhaps that is what these Psalms hook us with — in the midst of our quicksand….they hook us with the love of God, holding us firm, reeling us back to solid ground…. so that we might love God back. Not just believe in God. Not just agree that God exists. Not just admire God’s work. But love God. With everything we’ve got.
I don’t know about you…but sometimes it’s easier to keep God in my frontal lobe — I think about God a lot. But God often doesn’t make it out of my cerebral cortex.
Yet, most of us know what it is to love someone in a way that goes way beyond our cerebral cortex. Whether it was a boyfriend or girlfriend, a spouse or a child…a parent or a pet… you know that feeling of love that fills everything in you. Transforms everything — makes everything look different…makes you feel like your life has meaning…purpose… even when things are hard.
I don’t know….maybe we can love God like that. Maybe it’s time to let God out of our brains and into our bodies and our breath. Maybe it’s time to love and to truly let ourselves BE loved. Compeletly.
As we are. Naked and unashamed. Holding nothing back. Because, dear friends…that is the love God has for us. Even in the midst of our miry depths…even when we feel like we’re drowning. For there is nothing…nothing in all creation — no heights or depths…that can ever stop God from loving us. You are seen. You are known. You are understood. And you are loved…ALWAYS. Amen.
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